Wisdomist Wednesday : Beautiful

I had a pretty interesting conversation with mama LTSL recently – Mr. LTSL and I spent Sunday night at my family’s home, we were on our way back from one of the most beautiful wedding’s I’ve ever been to, instead of hustling back home – we took a load off at Mama & Papa LTSL’s home.

I was exhausted. Mr. LTSL was exhausted – we had an amazing weekend, but our tired eyes and slow moving body told the tale of one phenomenal party, and tons of traveling in a short amount of time. While talking to my mom, she turned to me and she said you look so beautiful.

My mom is always filled with compliments – but I was literally wearing a pair of torn jeans, a little white top, my hair was messy, my eyes tired – no make-up – nothing fancy.

I responded, that I was happy.

And it got me thinking – for my entire life, I’ve been consumed with looking a certain way – acting a certain way – I would be on the constant hunt for acceptance.

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For the first time, in a long time I actually feel beautiful. And this feeling has nothing to do with the numbers on the scale, it has nothing to do with the size of the jeans I was wearing, the length of my legs nor the style of my hair. This feeling has everything to do with how often I am laughing, the glow in my smile and sparkle I see in each day. It is the love that I feel and am able to give. It’s the acceptance of life – for all that it is, good – bad – ugly- exciting and scary. It is everything to do with the people in my life, and the happiness that I feel.

It’s the realization, that the acceptance I was looking for – actually came from myself, no one else.

Wisdomist Wednesday : Change

I’ve never really kept it a secret how close I am to my family.

We’re ridiculously, almost obnoxiously close .. but I love it.

My mom, dad, brother and I have more than anything else grown up together. My parents are fairly young, considering how old my brother and I are and I think that’s caused us to have a huge reliance on one-another.

They are very much my toughest critic as well as my biggest fan.

Before getting married, I was so scared all of this would change. I knew I was marrying the man of my dreams, and he is so much more than I could ever ask for.

But lately, even as I have everything – and life is pretty damn good.

I’ve missed home. A lot.

I talk to my parents, and brother daily – we see each other often …

I think the difference is, at home now … it’s so quiet. With Mr. LTSL and I having full time jobs, and us both living for evenings and weekends to just relax… I think the quietness and slow-paced nature away from work, is just something I have to get used to.

I’ve found myself having time to do other things, a whole lot more baking ( which I stinking LOVE), catch up on t.v shows … I’ve started watching Orange is the new black – I love it, but also kind of get squirmish … I’m a baby – mehh.  But besides that … that’s all I do. The mister looks forward to kicking back, sleeping in late, playing video games … and maybe going out … maybe.

I want to stinking be out all the time. While I lived with my parents, we were always doing stuff … and not even crazy stuff .. just the usual; groceries, going on picnics, visiting family; nothing fancy, nothing crazy … we were always just busy.

How strange would it be if I went out alone … I actually feel a little guilty doing that, mister man, would just rather relax at home, he IS very much a homebody. And I appreciate that, there are days where I just want to sit around in my PJs and watch meaningless TV – but then there are days, that I just want to go out, for a walk … living in the gorgeous city that I live in means there’s ALWAYS something going on.

It’s strange, I miss the chaos – I miss having something to always do – I miss running downstairs to the kitchen always being busy, or my parents sitting there sipping on their morning coffee.

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This is real life, isn’t it. I should appreciate this all, shouldn’t I. Maybe this is a lesson – a lesson to appreciate my family more and the time Mr. LTSL and I have together. Maybe I should stop complaining and ride this roller-coaster of change.