Confession – I stopped writing.
I shouldn’t have, but I have. Not on purpose – it’s just time. I’ve been busy living life.
But I miss it. I’ve come to realize how important this process has become to me. I’ve realized that it’s my method of celebration – venting – remembering how quickly time flies and just how magical simple moments can be.
The last couple of weeks – the last two weeks to be honest – have been straight up CRAY-CRAY!!
I’m talking a whole new level of crazy. I went into my new job knowing it would be an adjustment. Adjustment is such a mild word, it’s been a circus. A love-hate kind of circus. I love the intensity, how much I’m learning, and the new people I’m meeting. But there’s never a second to breathe – ever. Last week I had my breakfast at 12:00, at my desk!! I’m also working further, resulting me having to factor in travel time.
This is throwing my schedule off.
I’m a complete creature of habit and routine. I also have control issues. My schedule being all wonky is seriously throwing me for a loop.
Normally, once I get home I grab a quick snack – work out – iron my clothes for the next day – start making dinner, while packing lunches for the next day. This is normally all done ( or close to being done) by 7:30ish when Mister LTSL comes home. I make him a cup of coffee , we have dinner and I’m in bed by 11:30ish.
And then do it all again .. cha cha cha.
With this new job, some nights I’m not home until 6:30 – pushing my entire schedule back. I know this is not the end of the world – get it. I understand there are bigger, more troubling things happening out there. I see how you could say, “be thankful, you have a job” – and I am thankful … very thankful.
I just sometimes feel guilty. And not just guilty that I can’t make dinner by 7:30, but even guilty if I can’t squeeze in my workout – or if miss any part of my regular schedule. I feel like once Mr. LTSL is home – this should be our time .. time for us to spend together – not time for me to run around like a psycho, trying to finish my day.
It’s made me realize that I have to let go – I need to allow life to take its course – that I in fact can’t do it all … who am I kidding, I will try with every ounce of me to. I feel like this year, will bring more growth than I anticipated.
Sometimes, kind of a lonely feeling. And I know I’m not actually alone. But that’s the only way I can describe it. It’s a strange feeling, and not that I need to know how to fix it – I just needed to get it out there … out in the world. Hence the reason, I need to start back writing. And it’s not that I’m sad – in fact, there’s a lot that I’m happy about. It’s just different … an unexpected curve ball, altering the roller coaster of life.
Rant over – I have new appreciation for Wine Wednesday and the sweetness that is 5:00pm on a Friday night. I’ll be back to my regular optimistic self soon … just not right now — although, I do kind of already feel better!!