While I’ve been baking up a storm and trying to post more often, my Wisdomist Wednesdays have kind of fallen by the waste side.
And there’s a reason for it.
And it’s probably not the best reason…
I think sometimes in life we get to a point where we just don’t want to deal. When I say we … I really just meant me.
I don’t want to deal.
I’m tired. ( this is actually true, physically and mentally)
It’s nothing specific but a lot in general.
I don’t have much to say… I don’t want advice or a shoulder to lean on.
I just want to live .. whatever that means.
Some days I wake up, and I can really focus on all of the good in my life – all that I should be thankful for ( and I am thankful – more than I could ever explain). Some days … its not that easy. Some days the fact that I’ve woken up and gotten out of bed is enough for me – that in and of itself has taken all of my energy and commitment.
Some days, I’m able to laugh from my tummy … other days, that smile you see on my face is as painted as the eyeliner I wear. Ironically, I’ve stopped wearing make up .. unless I’m going out. I’ve tried talking this through. I’ve tried all of the options that come to mind. Someone once told me, this is life – the defining moment when you can weigh the good days, with the not so good days … and the good days tip the scale in your favour.
Some days I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize who I see any more – both in a good and not so good way. I’m proud of the person I have become professionally, I’m proud of my family values, and the high regard that I hold my friends. But there are things that I see, that no one else sees .. things that I’m not proud of .. things that cause me to question everything I see about me.
Life it’s a funny thing … for now, can I just keep baking, working and trying to refocus?
I woke up this morning
There’s food at home, waiting for me to make a hot meal.
My family is safe.
Let’s just start there. For now, for this moment – that’s good enough for me.