Wisdomist Wednesday : Control aka a not so little life rant

Confession – I stopped writing.

I shouldn’t have, but I have. Not on purpose – it’s just time. I’ve been busy living life.

But I miss it. I’ve come to realize how important this process has become to me. I’ve realized that it’s my method of celebration – venting – remembering how quickly time flies and just how magical simple moments can be.

The last couple of weeks – the last two weeks to be honest – have been straight up CRAY-CRAY!!

I’m talking a whole new level of crazy. I went into my new job knowing it would be an adjustment. Adjustment is such a mild word, it’s been a circus. A love-hate kind of circus. I love the intensity, how much I’m learning, and the new people I’m meeting. But there’s never a second to breathe – ever. Last week I had my breakfast at 12:00, at my desk!! I’m also working further, resulting me having to factor in travel time.

This is throwing my schedule off.

I’m a complete creature of habit and routine. I also have control issues. My schedule being all wonky is seriously throwing me for a loop.

Normally, once I get home I grab a quick snack – work out – iron my clothes for the next day – start making dinner, while packing lunches for the next day. This is normally all done ( or close to being done) by 7:30ish when Mister LTSL comes home. I make him a cup of coffee , we have dinner and I’m in bed by 11:30ish.

And then do it all again .. cha cha cha.

With this new job, some nights I’m not home until 6:30 – pushing my entire schedule back. I know this is not the end of the world – get it. I understand there are bigger, more troubling things happening out there. I see how you could say, “be thankful, you have a job” – and I am thankful … very thankful.

I just sometimes feel guilty. And not just guilty that I can’t make dinner by 7:30, but even guilty if I can’t squeeze in my workout – or if miss any part of my regular schedule. I feel like once Mr. LTSL is home – this should be our time .. time for us to spend together – not time for me to run around like a psycho, trying to finish my day.

It’s made me realize that I have to let go – I need to allow life to take its course – that I in fact can’t do it all …  who am I kidding, I will try with every ounce of me to. I feel like this year, will bring more growth than I anticipated.

It’s scary.

Sometimes, kind of a lonely feeling. And I know I’m not actually alone. But that’s the only way I can describe it. It’s a strange feeling, and not that I need to know how to fix it – I just needed to get it out there … out in the world. Hence the reason, I need to start back writing. And it’s not that I’m sad – in fact, there’s a lot that I’m happy about. It’s just different … an unexpected curve ball, altering the roller coaster of life.

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Rant over – I have new appreciation for Wine Wednesday and the sweetness that is 5:00pm on a Friday night. I’ll be back to my regular optimistic self soon … just not right now — although, I do kind of already feel better!!

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Wisdomist Wednesday : Grow

Welcome to 2015 you gorgeous people!!

After announcing my holiday winner, I went on a bit of a holiday hiatus – one filled with family, amazing food, the comfiest pjs and sleep … LOTS of sleep!! It was nothing short of simply amazing.

But now I’m back.

Grab your power pumps, and the brightest red lipstick you own – it’s time to take over 2015!!

Only a couple of days into this fine-looking year, I’m already doing things that scare the cheese doodles out of me in the best way possible. I started a new job on Monday – same company – different department – different position.

This means a couple of things :

  • More responsibility
  • Tons to learn
  • New faces to meet
  • Growing pains

… overall CHANGE! 

While I like new, exciting and sparkly – change freaking scares me. When I accepted this new role, I was pumped!! I didn’t hate my old job, in fact it was great – I just became comfortable. I knew what I was doing … day in and day out … yes, there were still challenges but I knew how to sort things out when need be. I knew I needed to take the leap.

An opportunity presented itself – I jumped in – and now … well now I have two options, sink or swim. And in the words of the philosophical genius Dorie  “Just keep swimming … just keep swimming”. This new role is not drastically different from my last position, is just comprises of a lot more – it’s a new language, a new set of personalities to get acquainted with – a different location ( hello commute .. ps. Thank you subway for not having any delays … I hope I didn’t just jinx myself)

The first day on the job – I totally suffered from “first day of school syndrome” – I wanted my hair to be neat, my clothes to look perfect, I wanted everyone to like me and most important – I didn’t want to trip and fall. Three days in, I can safely say … I’m fine.

I’m proud of myself for taking this step, though I had hesitations – I know the next couple of months have the potential to be exhausting, I know it could possibly take blood sweat and tears out of me, but I also know – at my age, I’m not ready to get comfortable in a position, I’m not finished learning and the more people I get to connect with, the happier I will be.

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Here’s to an amazing 2015, whether it be new adventures or securing your current path – my wish for you is that it’s magical.

Wisdomist Wednesday : Change

I’ve never really kept it a secret how close I am to my family.

We’re ridiculously, almost obnoxiously close .. but I love it.

My mom, dad, brother and I have more than anything else grown up together. My parents are fairly young, considering how old my brother and I are and I think that’s caused us to have a huge reliance on one-another.

They are very much my toughest critic as well as my biggest fan.

Before getting married, I was so scared all of this would change. I knew I was marrying the man of my dreams, and he is so much more than I could ever ask for.

But lately, even as I have everything – and life is pretty damn good.

I’ve missed home. A lot.

I talk to my parents, and brother daily – we see each other often …

I think the difference is, at home now … it’s so quiet. With Mr. LTSL and I having full time jobs, and us both living for evenings and weekends to just relax… I think the quietness and slow-paced nature away from work, is just something I have to get used to.

I’ve found myself having time to do other things, a whole lot more baking ( which I stinking LOVE), catch up on t.v shows … I’ve started watching Orange is the new black – I love it, but also kind of get squirmish … I’m a baby – mehh.  But besides that … that’s all I do. The mister looks forward to kicking back, sleeping in late, playing video games … and maybe going out … maybe.

I want to stinking be out all the time. While I lived with my parents, we were always doing stuff … and not even crazy stuff .. just the usual; groceries, going on picnics, visiting family; nothing fancy, nothing crazy … we were always just busy.

How strange would it be if I went out alone … I actually feel a little guilty doing that, mister man, would just rather relax at home, he IS very much a homebody. And I appreciate that, there are days where I just want to sit around in my PJs and watch meaningless TV – but then there are days, that I just want to go out, for a walk … living in the gorgeous city that I live in means there’s ALWAYS something going on.

It’s strange, I miss the chaos – I miss having something to always do – I miss running downstairs to the kitchen always being busy, or my parents sitting there sipping on their morning coffee.

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This is real life, isn’t it. I should appreciate this all, shouldn’t I. Maybe this is a lesson – a lesson to appreciate my family more and the time Mr. LTSL and I have together. Maybe I should stop complaining and ride this roller-coaster of change.