Wisdomist Wednesday : Breathe

While I’ve been baking up a storm and trying to post more often, my Wisdomist Wednesdays have kind of fallen by the waste side.

And there’s a reason for it.

And it’s probably not the best reason…

I think sometimes in life we get to a point where we just don’t want to deal. When I say we … I really just meant me.

I don’t want to deal.

I’m tired. ( this is actually true, physically and mentally)

It’s nothing specific but a lot in general.

I don’t have much to say… I don’t want advice or a shoulder to lean on.

I just want to live .. whatever that means.

Some days I wake up, and I can really focus on all of the good in my life – all that I should be thankful for ( and I am thankful – more than I could ever explain). Some days … its not that easy. Some days the fact that I’ve woken up and gotten out of bed is enough for me – that in and of itself has taken all of my energy and commitment.

Some days, I’m able to laugh from my tummy … other days, that smile you see on my face is as painted as the eyeliner I wear. Ironically, I’ve stopped wearing make up .. unless I’m going out. I’ve tried talking this through. I’ve tried all of the options that come to mind. Someone once told me, this is life – the defining moment when you can weigh the good days, with the not so good days … and the good days tip the scale in your favour.

Some days I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize who I see any more – both in a good and not so good way. I’m proud of the person I have become professionally, I’m proud of my family values, and the high regard that I hold my friends. But there are things that I see, that no one else sees .. things that I’m not proud of .. things that cause me to question everything I see about me.

Life it’s a funny thing … for now, can I just keep baking, working and trying to refocus?

I woke up this morning

I’m healthy

I’m employed

There’s food at home, waiting for me to make a hot meal.

My family is safe.

Let’s just start there. For now, for this moment – that’s good enough for me.

Wisdomist Wednesday : Working out

I’ll be honest, I’m not sharing any sort of wisdomist knowledge today … just blabbing a bit.

How many times have I nagged your beautiful faces off about my love hate relationship with working out?!?

Oh, only a zillion times …well … I’m about to do it a zillion and one times.

I hadn’t worked out for at least 6 weeks … maybe a little bit longer.

First, it was Ramadan and while fasting – I couldn’t keep my eyes open or my energy level high enough to make it through a day of work, there was no way I was about to put the added pressure of working out on my body. Granted, I’m a slightly psycho – but I also don’t desire sending myself to the hospital.

After Ramadan, I decided to jump back in and resorted to my usual work out – Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, level 1 … I’ve been doing level one forever. It kills me, I get the workout I want – it hurts, but doesn’t leave me splattered on the floor like roadrunner. What I completely forgot though, is since I hadn’t been working out for a while – and since my body wasn’t back to it’s normal strength this probably wasn’t the best idea!! Doctors orders – I couldn’t work out for a week.

Last week, I tried the treadmill … something a little lighter … 40 minutes, 3 times for the week. I DIED. I wasn’t even running … I was frustrated. I am frustrated.

This week, I said ahhh what the heck – I jumped back on the Jillian Michaels train – I’ve done it 2 days now – tonight, I’ll do it again. But HOLY MOTHER of all that is sparkly and sweet … I’m getting destroyed by it. It’s frustrating to think that mentally I’m so ready to work out, I want to … I hate missing my workouts, it’s part of my routine .. I don’t actually love working out, but I love the feeling after. Physically, I don’t know what the heck is going on with my body.

Today, I sit here, SO incredibly sore. My legs are wobbly, my arms can’t go over my shoulders. I’m not complaining, I understand that part of working out, is being sore at times – but it’s definitely discouraging. I understand if I was unwell, or even getting older, but it’s strange to feel that my body isn’t keeping up with my mind.

Just venting I suppose … and yes, this can totally count as a first world problem. I plan to just stick with in, eventually my body will get re-use to working out and it will all be well and good again – until then, I plan to hobble and smell like an old lady with sports cream ( dear husband, it doesn’t get any sexier than this … sorry 😉 ).

I hope you lovely folks are having a great week, I’ll be back sooon with a trashy banana bread ( … and that right there, is why I work out!!)